• Sashleycat

(What?) What?

What? I need to put a title for this post that makes sense? No I don't. I don't answer to you! I answer to me! ME!

You're nothing. NOTHING!

Say that last part in the voice of the raiders from Fallout 4. It works really well. Hey, so what's this post about then, Sash?

I don't know because I am unable to quantify things right now. That's like not being able to see clearly, while one's mind - the unstable, squishy, organic chemical-reaction dictated organ that is, is filled with potentially uncontrollable rage due to the complexity of the nested dependencies of consequences involved with certain social and family systems. I say that, because you might have an innate care and love for one other human, and an absolute, passionate disdain and quite simply put, hatred, for another - yet acting on the latter would cause harm to the former, pitting you between two opposing fronts of emotion.

The direct effect, for me, is that the uncontrollable rage is deferred internally and there it will stay for a while. There, it will collect and decompose, sowing the seeds for hatred within me - that will eventually consume and destroy me in the process when it finally rears its head in however long it takes for that seal to go 'pop' and the rage to be unleashed upon the world.

When I say world, I actually mean something else. But since members of my family have expressed their interest in picking my blog apart for something to report to regulating authorities simply to get back at me, I shan't continue on this dark, oh so dark, train of thought that finally terminates in the darkest depths of cruelty and evil that a human mind is possibly of conjuring.

Or perhaps the train already terminated there, by subjective interpretation of my words one could potentially state that the train is indeed at that station, and we have most certainly disembarked into the darkness already.

I would find that notion acceptable to insinuate here.


What else can I put in this late-morning Sash Rant about how twisted and corrupted the human brain can be? Oh, there are things I would love to say here. Things that I would love to say, because I know that my family would inevitably read this looking for more 'ammunition' to attack me with. Dark things.

Very Dark things.

Is that thinly-veiled threat, Sash?

No, but I suppose you could interpret it in such a way if you were that way inclined.

You know that such things are strictly frowned upon by regulating authorities?

Yes. But I would also stress that typing my pure emotions in a non-direct way is also my freedom of expression and no such direct attack or threat was made. I have every right to feel the way I do.

I do not have have every right to think the things that I am thinking, however. That's on me to deal with. And this post is how I deal with it. So just take it as a slight 'untightening' of the seal, such that you can put your ear to the cusp and hear the faint sound of pressure relief. Because that is what it is.

If there is a God, or perhaps, a high-tier 'Kardashev-scale' entity that exists purely as energy in this universe, then I will selfishly hope that it can guide me, for whatever selfish mortal reasons I have, to never let that seal break.

Because if it does.

Well. I think it's best I don't type that on my blog.

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Sash in bed... At 4PM.

I don't know what I am going to type by pressing my hand based manipulation extremities onto this capacitive surface and causing fluctuations in voltage sensor that facilitates input, but oh well. Sas