(Sash Thoughts) The case of Sash's Delusional, Narcissistic Aunt.
DISCLAIMER: This is based on real events, with real members of my family but includes no personally identifiable information. I am free to express my thoughts online and it complies with all laws.
To my cousin who thought it was a good idea to report my blog to my provider for "Online Bullying" after I called my aunt (your mother) a "Pathetic Teenager with a stick in her anus"; you should perhaps ask your mum about the hurtful and unacceptable things she called me and my mum in front of Nanny. Your mother is a real piece of work and I'm not silencing my voice on this subject.
As always, it is highly advisable you actually read the post and the evidence provided before knee-jerking off to la-la-angry land! Thanks! <3 (Who am I kidding, though?)
Also: I have forgotten what it was I posted on social media (I posted a lot of harmless crap), but if you would like to provide some evidence to support your claim that I was extremely inappropriate; and likely the basis of your mum's rather serious accusations against me, that would be greatly appreciated! Thanks <3
Who am I kidding, you probably don't even read this! Dialogue? Nah. RAGE!
Okay, okay. I'll be serious. Before I start this post, let me make this really, REALLY clear.
I am always open to dialogue with you. It's your choice to throw the tantrum and create the rift in our family!
It's a shame you felt the need to block me (shutting down dialogue), but that is what I have come to expect from people like you - but it doesn't change my open-mindedness! Lol, let's face it, none of you will actually read this post in its entirety, you'll likely skim it and zero-in on bits you think you can exploit to attack me somehow.
Okay, without further a do, the Case of Sash's Delusional Aunt.
"Sash Rants About Unlikable Members of his family" 21/03/2021:
But it's not just about them, but also about how I'm just absolutely done with dealing with people with narcissistic personality disorders. There's at least one on both sides of my family, my sister and my mum's sister, that are simply so broken in their personalities that simply presenting truth to these individuals causes them to explode in a rage of anger and immaturity akin to tossing one's toys from one's pram. I use that analogy because these two individuals behave like toddlers when they are confronted by objective points that contradict their self centred superiority complex where they can do no wrong.
Classic traits of these two individuals include;
Extremely short tempered;
Unable to accept responsibility for their actions;
Arrogant and narcissistic, massively overstating their own worth;
Highly volatile and impulsive.
In the first case, my mother and my sister promised to have an open and honest relationship with each other. But I knew all along that my mother was simply appeasing my sister for fear of her reaction, often physically violent. I even told her that, eventually, mother took steps to address issues with their relationship that involved confronting my sister on subjects that she didn't like. An open relationship requires honest and open dialogue, yes?
Well that's the idea at least. Of course, my sister and her warped view on life where she can do no wrong, exploded into a rage so powerful that it is still felt nearly a year later. They went from this façade of loving daughter and mother relationship where my mum would keep her happy by telling her everything she wanted to hear, and never criticising her even on topics where my sister was very much objectively in the wrong, to my sister literally telling my mother she never wants to see her again, and here we are, a year later, and she's still essentially holding that grudge.
My mother was in tears for days. It broke my heart to see her like that. You might ask "well, your mother must have been really nasty to her?" Yes? Not quite, I won't share details here but my mother simply told her she had an issue with (extremely deep and long seated family issues caused by my abusive sister) her and didn't want her to come over for her birthday. Of course, the moment my mother tells my sister about her actual feelings, sister explodes and abuses her verbally, states she is returning all the birthday gifts and that she never wants to see my mother again, after blocking her on all forms of communication... Despite some cold exchanges, that remains to this day.
Overreacting perhaps? I think so, but this is a classic trait of narcissistic people that believe they can do no wrong. Arrogance is a trait I have been known for, and I actively try to encourage dialogue now to always be open to other people's points of view.
I spoke about my sister because her personality disorder is similar in nature to my Aunt (mum's sister), and the reaction was so largely similar that I almost found it comical predicting my Aunt's behaviour in response to my criticism.
In fact, I was actually somewhat disappointed by her blunt, as hominem response (after a day), without addressing a single one of the points I raised. She then, like my sister did to my mum, blocked me without any notice, preventing me from replying. I did, eventually reply, over SMS, and her reply was largely the same.
It's interesting to note that the spaces in her first reply (more than one engagement of space bar) could indicate she revised this message several times before sending it, yet still sent the immature, overly aggressive and hominem whereby she essentially tells me I'm irrelevant - in a subject that involves my mother and grandmother.
I wasn't particularly angry because I knew exactly how she would react, but I suppose I did have a shred of hope that she would take up my offer on dialogue. Oh well. Maybe she will take my advice and get anger management therapy, because I think would improve everyone's lives.
Regarding my original message, I was told by my cousin that my wording was "confrontational" and something to the nature of implying that my aunt wasn't in the wrong for reacting the way she did. Though I expect subconscious bias in any attempt to analyse the situation, given the mother/child relationship status of my cousin and aunt.
Overall, this is a nice example of why I do not like people, and indeed somewhat unironically, why I avoided my family for so long; due to social anxiety that I believed was unhelpful.
Yet it was this behaviour that I feared. That said, I feel a lot stronger than I did before, knowing that I stood up to this individual for the first time, laid down some cold hard truth, and rustled her jimmies like nothing else ever had. :3
"My aunt crossed the line in such a way that has filled me with rage. This post is how I cope with it" 01/04/2021:
This post is about Sash's family Bullshit, and is not relevant to anything else. My blog is my outlet, so it ends up here. Thank you for understanding.
This post will serve as my emotional outlet and also as a rebuttal to the human being, once considered my aunt, since she has felt inclined to block all forms of communication with me despite my attempts at dialogue, and civil manner in entirety.
The perspective in this post is, of course, my own, and without context and prior knowledge of background events pertaining to the broken, dysfunctional mess that is my extended family, it would be difficult for one to make an accurate, unbiased assessment. However, from one internet stranger to another, allow me to stress that I have been passive and submissive my entire life and I know that my position in situations mentioned here is defensible.
I would also like to state that I deal with emotional situations with other human beings, including my own family of whom years of social anxiety have isolated me, by using logic and reason, breaking down the situation into a compartmentalised view and addressing each section individually. This is because I have neither the innate 'knowledge' of the intricacies of human social interaction, nor the desire to learn it.
My family is now experiencing a major issue that was caused by me sending a text to my Aunt with legitimate concern and criticism over her handling of the situation regarding my Nan's care.
Well, perhaps it is more accurate to state that this major issue has been caused by my former Aunt's handling of the situation, which culminated in a knee-jerk, somewhat ad hominem attack on the credibility of my opinion, despite the fact that elements of the points I raised in the text were based on observations and first-hand accounts from two parties, one of which is the person at the centre of it all, who I won't name because I don't want her to be attacked by my Aunt.
Analysing the first reply.
Indeed, as you might read my original text was neither rude nor offensive, it was simply a bluntly-worded criticism over concern for my the stress placed upon my mother, and my nan not having someone with her at night. The response failed to address any of the points I raised, and instead seems to highlight that my former aunt must have some form of long-standing issue with me, because she is clear to state my opinion is 'irrelevant'. Let's put aside the issue of whether my post was entirely my own subjective opinion (it was not) and look at the emotional outburst that my criticism caused.
The post is clearly emotional and as I previously noted, contains spaces in areas where there should not be more than one use of the space-bar. I noticed this phenomena happens regularly (by observations of my own outbursts and those of others) when the individual has re-worded their text a few times. Given the time taken to reply to my comment, it is likely she had a lot of time to think (and alter) the wording - and yet still came out with a somewhat ironically completely irrelevant rebuttal and an attack on my character (validity of my opinion).
I do not know where the long-standing issues she has with me came from, I have never been rude or disruptive in our family, I have never been violent or aggressive. I have always kept to myself and have always been polite - even if it is simply because I'm anxious. She has no reason to consider me hostile and up until this point, I had no reason to do the same to her.
If we were to take an alternative point of view on the nature of this individual and their reply, we might come to the conclusion that her psychology is irregular, akin to certain recognised mental health conditions, or a simple superiority complex fuelled by arrogance and narcissism. This is not unfamiliar to me, as I have likely mentioned at least once or twice before on this blog. My sister is very similar in her demeanour; specifically the inability to accept criticism or the possibility that oneself might indeed be wrong in a given situation.
A bit of reflection.
Over the years I have learned a few major life lessons that have made me what I consider a 'better person'. One of those lessons is to always be able to admit when you are wrong, and from that, learn going forward. This is a great strength to have, and a surprisingly large amount of people allow their emotions to cloud their logical judgement regarding situations, similar to what has been seen here, and simply feel personally attacked by legitimate criticism. This emotional outburst then fuels continued reprisals and rebuttals against the other party, regardless of the logical validity of their argument - also much like this case. In fact, here you can see she provided absolutely no counters to any of the points I brought up.
Being able to admit when you are wrong, or perhaps not even that - perhaps it is merely being able to accept criticism, even if you are confident in your position, and be able to address it with a civilised response that serves as a rebuttal to the points being criticised. Surely that would be the best way to approach this? I have taught myself that.
The biggest lesson of all is to never let your chemical emotions take precedence over logic.
Emotional buildup; "Baggage".
In the days after being blocked by my former aunt, I began to feel very upset - mostly angry, as to the nature of her reply. My emotions began to build up in something that you could describe as a pressurised bottle, with a cap screwed on top. Eventually, the pressure would get so great the cap would burst off; and the emotions would have to come out? That is what I thought, but the situation regarding my former aunt called for me to exercise levels of self-control that I never thought possible. I won't take any credit for doing this, because my isolation from my family due to anxiety is almost certainly the biggest contributing factor in my handling of the situation - and I did have one outburst to my mother regarding my wish to talk to my aunt and address her reply and the original points I made.
This is where it gets rather complicated. In simple terms, me and my mother have two very different methods of handling a situation such as this. Well, I didn't have; pre-Elvanse I would have been very much the same as my mother: seeking to de-escalate conflict and walk away with no rebuttal, no ability to tell the person who upset you how you truly feel. This creates baggage, but it was indeed mother's anxiety that forewarned me of this entire situation, before I even sent the original text.
I digress. Mother's approach would have me simply forget what had happened and move on. Move on knowing that my Aunt would never be 'brought up' on subjects that I feel needed to be addressed regarding her attitude to me. The somewhat more confident, medicated Ashley disagreed. I had spent my entire childhood 'treading on eggshells' around people in order to keep them happy at my own expense. Ultimately, people have exploited me and abused me and I would simply do nothing about it. Being bullied constantly, physically, at all stages of my secondary education for several years is largely responsible for my social anxiety issues - as my brain has been 'programmed' to de-escalate and avoid, to take the blame, and to appease - all situations so that I would not be physically hurt by the bullies.. or my sister. Or at least, that's how the brain's anxiety logic is supposed to work.
Current day Ashley feels very differently about that. It is something of a personal affront to me to expect me to keep my head down and allow this woman to speak to me in such a way regarding an extremely important matter concerning my own mother and grandmother's health and wellbeing. It eventually culminated in a small somewhat heated exchange between me and my mother; she didn't want any more conflict, and I wanted to lash out and shout at my former aunt. Both sides understandable, but for my mother's own health (to which this entire issue was based around), I calmed down and promised my mother I would do no such thing. I would 'swallow' the rage and bottle it up, like I had done for so long in the past.
The explosion was, of course, inevitable - but it came a bit sooner than expected with a surprising turn around in approach from my mother - bless her heart - she decided to stand up to her sister and tell her truly how she felt about the situation in a polite and civilised manner akin to my original text but perhaps a bit less blunt.
My former aunt's reaction caused so much upset and anger between me and my mother that I simply do not have words that can be typed here, to describe the emotions that flowed through the core of my being upon reading what she had typed in response to my mother. A small bit of backstory is required for the context of my mother's first text: that is that my former aunt had screamed and shouted at her in an aggressive manner upon their first interaction - despite the fact that my mother has no control over what I decide to text.
Note: Forwarded posts are from my Aunt, the others are from my mother.
I have absolutely no need to justify myself on my blog, regarding matters personal to me, but I will state here that this woman has absolutely no idea about matters regarding me, my sister, my situation or anything. She has no data. None. My sister is just as arrogant, ignorant, short-tempered and delusional as she is! (Is that a surprise?)
Apparently, according to my former aunt, it was my original comment that started the disruption in the family; it was not her knee-jerk emotional outburst and inability to accept valid criticism, it was not her borderline intimidating treatment of my mother; an otherwise uninvolved third party?
Note: Forwarded posts are from my Aunt, the others are from my mother.
The last forwarded post in the screen capture above is where she crossed the line. I do not have to pick out parts of that post to rebuke them, as I simply don't see the need to, but I will mention that this woman and my sister of whom she now involves; both exhibit arrogant, narcissistic personality traits and the inability to handle criticism, regardless of how valid it is.
In fact, it is worth pointing out that the breakdown of my mother and sister's relationship was triggered by largely the same situation - my mother and sister promised to have an 'open and honest' relationship with one another, yet when my mother put forward her true feelings about some of my sister's actions and behaviours, my sister exploded in a ball of emotional rage and told my mum she never wanted to see her again.
All in an instant. The façade of their 'relationship' blew away with the wind. It is almost comical to reflect on these events and realise just how similar my former aunt's and sister's reactions were. The former is concerning for my belief that one day I would be able to have a healthy (that means honest communication) relationship with my sister, considering my former aunt is sixty years old and still reacts this way.
I have never been rude, aggressive or otherwise uncivilised to any of these people, at any point. In fact, for those that read my blog (that one person, are you still here? :D) you'll know that my social anxiety is often a subject I bring up. So let's put this into perspective; this aunt has almost never seen me, talked to me, she forgets my birthdays, etc. On the very few occasions she does interact with me it has been polite and friendly (façade?). If you read her texts it might come across like I'm this total douchebag within our family that causes all the issues. Well, that's the polar opposite of the truth. At least me, my mum and my Nan know the truth. This woman is delusional beyond any doubt. She also has absolutely no idea, nothing, about the details of my mum and daughter's relationship breakdown. Literally nothing - that is a hyperbolic, baseless ad hominem attack. How pathetic.
Sash! It's bad that you post screenshots of private WhatsApp conversations with your family on the internet, even though there is no personally identifiable information at all!
Is it? Oh well. Perhaps if these individuals conducted themselves in a more civilised manner, without the arrogance and ignorance, I would be less inclined to seek to vent my frustrations on my own personal blog.
"My blog has been reported to Law enforcement for breach of data protection and online bullying laws." 02/04/2021:
Sash notes: this was in 'retaliation' to my original post that had a bit of a vent at the bottom where I managed to be civilised for the entire post and then typed about how my aunt is a "Pathetic teenager with a stick inserted in her anus" (anatomical term is not rude, the context is though). Which is probably against my provider TOS so I admit that was not a great idea - but let's face it, the report was mostly certainly a knee-jerk attack to defend her completely indefensible mother. Puppet!
I simply do not have words to describe the situation. Making a blog post when you have no words is quite difficult. So, I'm afraid this will have to do.
So, my cousin apparently read this post, about her mother, and believes it breaches Data Protection Laws and constitutes as Online Bullying. So, me venting my frustration and analysis of the situation with no personally identifiable information on any parties involved, is 'online bullying' or breaching data laws?
However, if the concerned parties would like to contact me directly, instead of blocking me and closing down all communication, they are free to do so here, where we can discuss the matter like civilised adults.
However, using my mother as a means to contact me is unacceptable.
I will amend the wording to be more broadly in line with the Terms of Service.
Wix hosting Terms of Service, section 2.3, paragraph 2:
submit, transmit or display any User Content, or use Licensed Content in a context, which may be deemed as defamatory, libelous, obscene, harassing, threatening, incendiary, abusive, racist, offensive, deceptive or fraudulent, encouraging criminal or harmful conduct, or which otherwise violates the rights of Wix or any third party (including any intellectual property rights, privacy rights, contractual or fiduciary rights), or otherwise shows any person, entity or brand in a bad or disparaging light, without their prior explicit approval;
upload, insert, collect or otherwise make available within the Wix Website or the Wix Services (or any part thereof), any malicious, unlawful, defamatory or obscene Content;
No person is mentioned as no identifiable information is provided, the text is thus used in a context-less means similar in nature to how I might say "retard" here.
Actually; this brought to light some interesting points in the Wix Terms of Service that I might have to address:
otherwise shows any person, entity or brand in a bad or disparaging light, without their prior explicit approval
Considering all of my content is not 'disparaging' without objective evidence to support it, such as my criticism of Intel's processor brands, for example, but rather legitimate criticism. I am confident in my position, however, an alternative provider will be sought should Wix decide to interpret my blog in such a way.
On a final note, to my Aunt and cousins:
This situation was completely avoidable if you handled it maturely. Instead, I receive a knee-jerk attack on my character as a response and a block. My mother is then abused in real life verbally by this individual, and I post my thoughts and feelings on my blog with no personally identifiable information and you have the audacity to accuse me of being the bully?
Not only is this disgusting, but it has proven for the final time that human beings are simply not worth the time nor effort. I have my friends, that I can choose, but alas, you cannot choose your family. It is of little concern as it would be apparent that my anxiety all these years - that had prevented me from seeing these people was in fact protecting me from this entire thing.
Cousins; you have no right to attack me for being a bully online without any knowledge of the comments your mother made, or how she has treated us, for a simple, politely worded piece of criticism that you can literally read on the same post. My concerns were legitimate. I am not selfish. I care for my mother and I care for my grandmother.
The way I have been treated by my Aunt is both unacceptable and completely unforgiveable. I feel hurt, attacked and upset. I will amend my vulgar language because it violates Wix's TOS but that is all I will do. You have no grounds for a data-based legal attack on my website and absolutely no grounds to accuse me of being an online bully.
To report my website to the provider without even contacting me first is disgusting, considering we are family and you were otherwise uninvolved. I have no time for people like you. No time.
Take a step back and reflect on the actions of your mother, perhaps one day you will see who really caused this entire mess. I am now able to sever my ties with you entirely, and you are no longer part of my family. My wish is to never have to see you, or deal with you ever again. And that is not a decision I make lightly, but it is a decision that will remain posted on my blog.
Good day. Perhaps this event will be reflected in my Universe where I find some elements of relief by expressing myself in a world I created.
"Social Anxiety knew all along". 02/04/2021
Family, before you read this post, perhaps you should take a look around the rest of my blog and website, you might find some content that you actually like?
That's why it made it so I could never see my family without being terrified.
Because it knew, all along, how twisted they all are.
You know what's funny? Someone, someone, something... blah blah...
Actually, my mum's sister bullied her all throughout her childhood and apparently that hasn't stopped going into adulthood. It's clear that she always thought those things about us, it only just came out now, however.
"Online Bullying". Oh, please.
Twisting the definition of rules designed to protect innocent parties, in order to silence your critics is both disgusting and deplorable, though.
So I don't know by what right this person has to attack my mother and accuse her and me of being the cause of all the of this twisted family's issues. Fact is, she's just a bully.
She's a self-centred bully who has thrown her toys from the metaphorical pram because she was told, by yours truly, the cold, hard truth and didn't like it. That truth is that she wasn't doing enough to support my grandmother, and a huge burden was placed on my mother as a result. It's funny to note that this person's approach to my grandmother's care has changed since the text was sent, and it would appear they are taking on more direct responsibility as a result. Change of heart? Perhaps a bit of guilt? I find it frustrating that I am essentially unable to defend myself because we are worried about my grandmother being shouted at / attacked by my Aunt, because honestly: she is that sort of person.
So of course, the attempt to have my blog - my voice of expression - taken down is simply an attack on me, my freedom of speech and my life, by otherwise uninvolved parties that made it clear to me they wanted to be uninvolved (yes, you), who now "Do not wish to continue the relationship" with me. It's a good thing that years of being abused as a child by bullies and my own sister, has made Sash a very, very bitter ball of misanthropic hatred because my life is completely unaffected by their removal from it via blocking and knee-jerk tantrums.
My cousin had a habit of being quite cold and blunt with me, especially about my Sci-Fi universe. It was a trait that I actually admired, since it's not something that people often find easy to do: tell other people that they do not have an interest in a given subject if that subject is close to the person they are talking to. I wasn't hurt or upset, I respected that. She's intelligent and skilled and generally we could have had a great relationship going forward as my new medication allows me to break from the clutches of anxiety. But ultimately, it's not going to bother me going forward.
If you do have a change of heart, I never block family lightly and you can always message me here, where I am ready for dialogue, assuming you actually listen to what I say.
"Sash is in bed again but this time is having an anxiety attack." 03/04/2021:
If has been a while since I have had one. I know the feeling very well. Tight chest, difficulty breathing, strong "butterfly feeling" in my stomach, shaking, light headed and nausea.
It is not pleasant. I know why it is, it is because I am anxious about the safety of my mother and my own life after current events relating to the breakdown of my family.
I am no stranger to depression. I will get over this because I had just started getting on track with my life, with my new medication, and things were looking up for me. Then this happens.
My mother begged me not to send my original text, and this is why. Because she grew up with her sister's constant abuse and she knew exactly what the outcome would be.
But we are both glad I posted it. My aunt needed to be confronted on the issue, and I was not rude nor confrontational (despite accusations from my cousin, you are free to read my text that started it all and make up your own mind), I simply asked her to do a bit more to ease the burden on my mum.
This was after I heard a phone call between her and my mum, where she complained about not liking my grandmother's spare bed as the reason she couldn't stay over, and her dismissal of the importance of my mum's life and job. Of course, no one else matters in her twisted mind. She has lived every day if her life getting her own way.
I genuinely believe she has a delusional mental health illness and needs help. I'm not saying this as an attack or insult. I am sincere. She is mentally ill with how she has reacted to this entire thing.
She has likely told the rest of the family (who are unaware of the details) a twisted and modified version of the events that portrays me and my mother as terrible people.
She has exhibited the intent to attack us on unrelated, unfounded "things" simply to hurt us. To get back at us for throwing a spanner in the dysfunctional system that has allowed this woman to go completely unchallenged since childhood. Not anymore.
She removed my mother from many WhatsApp groups, including the ones involving supporting my nan.
She made nasty baseless comments attacking me and my mother and has been extremely rude, aggressive and physically intimidating. She has caused my mum and grandmother to cry. She has made me cry now.
What have I done? My text, was it a terrible thing to say? I just want to lock myself away from human beings and hide. I don't want to have to deal with them anymore.
That is how I feel. I'm scared because she wants to take away my blog, my only outlet, age wants to accuse me of serious things I have not done, without any evidence, I am worried she will hurt my mother... My nan... And I'm worried that my life will be attacked by her because I simply asked her to do more for my grandmother.
I am not alone. This woman is a bully, bullied my mum as a child, bullied other people, physically abused other people, cheated on their partner, abandoned their children, and has never, ever been stood up against. Especially not by little Sash, who's opinion is irrelevant. Who was "spawned" by my mother and is a "sexual deviant and pedophile", an accusation made with NO grounds or evidence, but simply manipulating and using her daughter's children to attack me. I have never even seen those children. If I posted something on Facebook it would have been NOTHING like that how dare you accuse me of that.
How DARE you, accuse me of that, and abuse my mum.
This is not your childhood any more. This is my life and my mum's life.
You mess with the Sashleycat you get the claws.
When the gloves come off, the gloves come off. :D (and the claws come out >:3)
I will phone the police and report you for harassment and antisocial behaviour. You cannot make an accusation such as that with ZERO evidence that is so horrifically falsified without repercussions.
And my website and blog doesn't violate any laws. I will never censor my voice. I know my tech-literate cousin was super goddamn salty and reported my blog for GDPR violation with no grounds. Online bullying?
DO YOU EVEN READ MY WORDS? (No, she doesn't). ALL THIS TIME NONE OF YOU PEOPLE EVEN TOOK A MOMENT TO READ THE POINTS I MAKE.
How dare you, aunt and cousins. How dare you. I've spent my entire life on the receiving end of abuse from arrogant narcissistic broken people, sucking up to them so they don't hurt me.
BUT NO MORE!
If you escalate this to the next level, the police are being involved.
I needed to say that. I'm breaking down with anxiety and this blog here, is my only way to cope with it. You will never take it away from me. You will never take my mum from me. Because then I have nothing to lose.
To quote Nora Night; (Epic Warframe reference)
"No one is as bold as those with nothing to lose".
This is a vent post. I will sleep now. Nuh nigh!
"Sash at 4 AM". 03/04/2021
What? I don't know and I will not explain it either, because I don't know. I actually feel sick, couldn't sleep very well, so I'm going to go downstairs and see my cats.
In about 6 hours I may take my medication and everything will be better. (true story)
Was just thinking about how my cousin reported my blog for GDPR breach and to my provider for online bullying with literally zero knowledge of how her mother continues to bully me and my mum.
The words I want to use to describe her would violate the TOS for my blog hosting service.
I just want this whole thing to be over.