I don't really know what to say, so I am just going to type this here, on my phone, while I lay in bed crying, because it's all I can do really.
My depressive episodes are getting worse and more frequent, and there's absolutely nothing I can do. My life feels so worthless and I have no control over my emotions or impulses. I am at their full mercy.
I deleted my Discord account. I couldn't stop it, not even the 50 pounds I paid for a year of Nitro meant anything, but I had to close it, and in the process remove my primary contact with human beings.
Human beings confuse and terrify me. I cannot handle interactions with them anymore, not that I was able to handle it before now. I guess that's "your Autism" as my mum would say. But I don't care anymore - I purged my entire steam "friends" list in a final act of isolation.
I don't want to talk to people anymore. Because that way I cannot upset them with my problems and bullshit. And that way, I can't learn how successful they are and comparatively worthless my life is because I failed to achieve anything.
I'm stuck in a downward spiral and this is my only outlet.